I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
