I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
