Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
