you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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