what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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