I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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