you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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