Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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