if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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