we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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