Say something about gay babies.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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