Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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