Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
