Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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