suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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