I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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