I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
