the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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