I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pour the whiskey from now on
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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