My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
