they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
