Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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