boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
