I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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