my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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