sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk is not a location!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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