Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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