She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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