i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
