Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
home. puking in laundry basket.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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