New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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