I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
