people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
