He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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