I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
