wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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