Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
