i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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