my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
