What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
