Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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