i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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