If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
