idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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