If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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