He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Someone shit on the floor
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
