you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
