nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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