You're my little dorito
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
