we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
