??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He felt like a one man threesome
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
