You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
