and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
