I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
