beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
