the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
