Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
