I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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