I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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