i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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