I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
