this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
