just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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