I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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