Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
bring money and cleavage
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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