Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
