We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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